I have a complicated relationship with goals. I don’t like them and yet I concede that some are necessary. It’s not wise to dismiss the need to measure components of our ‘doing’ by setting short and long-term aims bound by the metrics of time and degree of completion.

I do have some goals. A few have been assigned to me. Others are organizational and shared across our team. But a number of years ago I said goodbye to goal setting for personal development.

I decided to concentrate on who I want to become. Honestly, what difference does it make if I run a 5k or read through the Bible in a year (neither of which are bad goals) if they are not comprehensively weaved into the fabric of who I believe God is calling me to become?

The ambition of this post isn’t to talk you out of setting goals. After all, it’s almost the middle of January, so if you’re a goal setter, they are already in place. My intention is to press you to go deeper in why, how, and “what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life,” as Mary Oliver says.

I call this my “Journey of Becoming,” and here is the process I use.

Begin by asking yourself, “What are a few things that I would like to be able to say about myself a year from now?”

1. Carve out enough time that you can honestly set this before God and take time to prayerfully consider the question. If it helps, make columns for the major areas of your life; family, personal relationships, spiritual growth, work, etc. and jot down what comes to mind. Don’t self edit.

2. Look through what you’ve written and group any statements that are related or connected. For example:

• Under “family” you may have expressed the hope that a year from now you can say, “I am more gentle and affirming with my children,” and “I am more present with my spouse.” Under work you may have one that says, “I am more effective at delivering clear feedback to my team.” You could combine those into the Becoming Statement, “Become someone who loves others well, beginning with my wife and family.”

3. Continue to sift and sort your statements until you have 3-5 Becoming Statements you feel really confident in.
4. Then choose one of your Becoming Statements to take the following steps with. Let’s go with the example above.

• • -Become someone who loves others well, beginning with my wife and family.

5. Below the Becoming Statement craft your Reality Statement. Start with “This can only happen if __________.”

• • -This can only happen if I take time throughout each day to receive God’s love.

6. Below your Reality Statement jot down a handful of “I will statements” that will help guide your daily actions as you live into your areas of transformation. These are your Commitment Statements.

• -I will live from the identity that I am first and foremost a beloved child of God.
• -I will hold up the mirror of belovedness to everyone I meet.
• -I will speak the truth with kindness in the moment.
• -I will assume the best intentions of everyone.

If you have a system that works for you, by all means, stick with it. But if you feel like you’re in a rut – give this a try and let us know how it worked for you.

Download a printable worksheet of the Journey of Becoming here.